What’s the biggest story in America right now? The Iranian War? Fauci’s testimony? The mid-terms?
None of the above. The one story capturing America’s, and the world’s, attention is the Taco Bell Lettuce Disaster.
For the uninitiated, Taco Bell is a bottom-tier “Mexican” chain serving “food” in all 50 States.
That number could, and perhaps should, go down soon, as tens of thousands of diners are, and I quote “shitting their guts out” after ingesting their hideous food.
But Harry, haven’t people been violently self-excavating their bowels after polishing off a couple of Crunch Wraps? Yes. But a rat and a mouse are both rodents, and anyone who has visited a New York subway knows there is a big difference in ferocity and frequency of the former. That’s what we are seeing with Taco Bell induced anal gravy.
Apparently it is the lettuce that is causing these backdoor explosions. Grown in Mexico, what was originally the only “healthy” part of a five cheese crunchwrap has now become it’s most troubling. Cyclospora, the villain of this story, spreads when fecal matter is exposed to humans via food or water. Or in other words, iceberg lettuce is either grown, or sprayed, or BOTH with human turds, shredded, refrigerated, shipped, then sprinkled onto your Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Delightful.
I have been to a Taco Bell once, many years ago, as an experiment on the limits of self desecration. One and done was what I said then, and I’m glad I stood by it.
Taco Bell’s next innovation should be the all-cheese, all-regret, zero-vegetable menu. At least then the only thing exploding would be your dignity.
Live mas!
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