Delivery

When Ky and I woke up on Monday morning, the first thing I heard was that she was 3cm dilated (the goal is 10) and it was all systems go. Today was the day. We were going to become parents.

It started slowly. Over the next two or three hours, it was simply a waiting game, as Ky’s body prepared for The Big Show. The list things one can do during this time isn’t long, but fortunately, “take a nap” is on it. I took one, and I’m glad I did.

Eventually, the show started, and Ky started to push. It’s hard work, and my only advice is that when they say push, what they really mean is PUSH. It reminds me of my first experience water skiing, where I tried for half an hour, unsuccessfully, to get up. My issue was trying to optimise my technique, when in reality, I just needed to grip that bar like I was the third monkey on Noah’s Ark, and it had just started to rain.

1 hour is a quick delivery. 2 hours is now reaching well past the average, and 3 hours is considered long. As you can imagine, when hour 4 ticked over, things weren’t looking so great. Ky was more tired than a one armed bricklayer in Beirut, and while there was some movement at the station, it wasn’t entirely clear what would unfold next.

Fortunately, it was at this moment when Dr Peterson (the obstetrician, not the psychologist) rolled in, and announced in no uncertain terms that this baby was coming out.

Have you ever watched Pokémon or played a game where the “boss music” plays during a particularly intense scene? Well, that’s what happened here. In the space of five minutes, our two nurses were joined by the doctor, a few back up nurses, a table of sharp implements, some industrial grade lighting, and a can do attitude.

The journey from womb to the outside world isn’t long, and it took over four hours to get halfway through. The last few inches only a few seconds, as Dr Peterson essentially crowbarred the baby out with her two hands; no need for her to do arms day this week.

That 30 second period will be one I won’t forget, and once we announced the gender (it’s a girl!) and cut the umbilical cord (think “calamari”), we had done it. Well, Ky had done it, I was just a semi-helpful spectator.

Would I recommend it? Hard to say. We had great care, but it was still a tough experience, and the downside risk remains very real. However, we do have a kid who is (mostly) lots of fun, so you have to weigh that in as well.

A crazy day.