The World Cup starts today.
Unlike most Americans (58% say they won’t watch a single game), I’m excited. It should be a great tournament, but I think it could be better.
With 48 teams in this year’s event, expect some dour games. Haiti v Cape Verde is unlikely to make the highlight reel, nor fill the stadiums. There is a sense that the competition only really begins in the knockouts, when all the no-hoper teams take their rightful spot, on the couch.
My proposal, which will be ignored, is to reduce the tournament to 32 teams, but with a difference.
The 32nd team at the World Cup should be made up of players from countries who HAVEN’T qualified. Gareth Bale, the prodigiously talented winger, never went to a World Cup because he was Welsh. Erling Haaland, the Norwegian phenomenon, is only playing due to the expanded format. Two time winners, Italy, didn’t even qualify.
A makeshift 11 would have a ton of problems, not least language. The Lingua Franca would have to be a Franken mix of French, Spanish and English. Or perhaps a new, abbreviated language needs to be created for the team. You don’t need to write poetry, you need to be able to tell your team mates to “pass it to me” or that they’re “in danger”. More advanced phrases could be “good job” and “you f*ing idiot”.
Another issue is the one faced by all mercenary or conscripted army; they don’t have a flag to rally round. A team game requires participants to act as a, you know, team. A collection of individuals, out for themselves, might struggle. A team of misfits playing worse than Haiti isn’t a great endorsement for the idea.
Conversely, perhaps the biggest risk is if this team were TOO good. Issues like language and individualism are already addressed; top players ply their trade for clubs who might have 20 different nationalities on the payroll. Arsenal, champions of England, only have two English starters. An Independents FC which could put 5 past Germany, Brazil and France without breaking a sweat is going to be very unpopular.
Given all those caveats, it remains an excellent idea. Everyone automatically gets a second favourite team, and a chance to see the best players who happen to be born in the wrong place. I just need a better name.